Everything is as it should be

"Everything is going to be okay.
Everything is okay.
Everything is as it should be.
Things that come easy are gifts;
Things that are challenging will help you grow-
Be thankful for both."
-My yoga teacher
"Know that what you are doing is the most beautiful thing"
-The tag on my tea bag

these are my mantras latly, the things I repeat as I'm walking home, packing gear at work, calming myself in the chaos of Hwy 101 traffic. I'm trying to believe that they are both wholey true, but latly I can't decide if my adjustment has taken a fall backwards or a leap forward. I cant' even begin to articulate how touched I was that everyone made such an effort to meet me in Seattle, and I am so grateful to H and L for opening up there (gorgeous) home. I know that everyone has jobs, obligations, stresses, places to be and things to do, but it meant the world to have (almost) everyone together again for a night, if only just a night. So wonderful to see your faces, to know that I have the most incredible support network, the most irreplaceable friends anyone could ever hope to find. So wonderful to remind everyone that you are loved by me, even so far away. And still, I came away from the reunion with an upsetting feeling...I think it is the realization that we really have all dispersed, that we're not just adventuring for a few months before joining up again and picking right up where we left off. It's the realization that we all have our own little lives in new spheres. It made me conscious of the effort that must go in to retaining such friendships if we are to stay close, as I hope we all do.
I don't know if it's this realization, the time of the month, or simply my situation at large that has made me such a mess this week. I can't stand work: I feel so taken advantage of, like my time and efforts are comodified and unnappreciated, and the burnout on gear and food packing has long since set in. How dissapointing that this job has to come to and end in this way...I'm trying to be positive, trying to put myself in a position to retain a good relationship with GirlVentures and not let the program leave such a bitter taste in my mouth, but it's hard when I have one foot out the door already. And why is this? This is becuase I've officially been hired as a "retail educator" at Lululemon! Such a fabulous store in a great and bustling part of town, phenominal employees, unbelievable job perks...(60-75% of merch, free yoga classes, great pay....) all in all it's seeming like my dream job right now! I'm extreamly wary of speaking too soon and jinxing it all, (look what happened with the last job...), but in my three interviews with the store manager, I think I'm in a fabulous position if my impression of the store is even a bit right on. I'm sure I'll have much more to say later, but right now I'm looking forward to just getting in there and starting my working life in SF. I feel like this is just the sort of routine I need to finally starting feeling happy, comfortable...and at home.
For now I'm desperatly trying to get my glow back, my energy back. I feel dull and lifeless- I've always believed in the power of optimism and positive thinking, but latly I'm having trouble finding either in myself. Not feeling yourself is a horrible thing- I hate the way my mood controls my days and puts strain on my relationship, and I DON"T KNOW what to do! For now I think the answer is just chin up, look forward to what the future holds, and keep repeating my mantras. Everything is as it should be.
love love love.